I'm Not A Girl
by ZRB
Summary: The Muses pick Roxas instead of Megara to play cupid at.


A/N: I NEVER write truly humorous things. But this one kicked in and I couldn't resist. I ABSOLUTELY love the song "I Won't Say I'm In Love", from Disney's Hercules, and it seemed too good of a chance to play a little with Roxas to let it pass. If you don't know the song, try to download it or buy the original soundtrack, I recommend it! Reviews are welcome and flames are for Axel, since he's way better than me to deal with it. Oh, dear, I'm the mood… XD

Summary: The Muses pick Roxas instead of Megara to play cupid at.

Disclaimers: They belong to SquareEnix and Disney. Leave me alone, I've got no money! The original song "I Won't Say I'm In Love" belongs to Disney too, but the adapted lyrics belong to me. Or at least the part I wrote.

* * *

No more missions around the Coliseum, Roxas thought as he stormed around the castle towards his room. When he spotted Axel coming down the corridor, his anger boilt to the highest point it could reach and it exploded right at the moment the red-haired nobody chose to greet him.

"Hey, Rox..."

It was all he could say before he was knocked down by a furious keyblade wielder, falling to the ground. Roxas grabbed Axel by the hood and closed the distance between them, facing him two inches away from his nose.

"Don't - ever - ASK FOR THEIR HELP AGAIN! Or to anyone, for the matter!"

Roxas let go of the nobody and stomped his way to his bedroom, with that - AARGH - song still playing in his head.

It was supposed to be a simple mission. Go to the Coliseum, kill a few heartless, rest a little and get back to the castle. But no, he HAD to fall asleep on one of those stone benches around that DAMN fountain. (A/N2: Messing up with the map of the original movie, but that's called Poetic License)

He woke up to a soft humming and an uncontrollable need to sing taking him over. He thought first that Hades was playing a prank on him, but them he noticed those smalls statues moving their hips from side to side in rhythm to the humming. He had to be under effect of some spell, but he didn't have any time to wonder further into the question, because against his will words started to form in his head and spill out of his mouth... (A/N3: Now, this is where it starts to play the karaoke version of "I Wont Say I'm In Love")

(Roxas) _If there's a prize for getting in trouble_

_I guess I've already won that_

_I wonder why me in the first place_

_And why the fuck I'm singing this_

He felt disgusted and amazed at the same time. Disgusted, because this was just too stupid for his taste and amazed because he found out he actually could sing. While he was still trapped in his thoughts, the statues started singing in chorus. Their hands were pointing to the fountain where bright lights started to shine. In the water on the fountain he'd sawn the blurred reflex of an image. It had to be a person. It slowly took form and Roxas could picture better what he was seeing. A face. Spiked hair. Red hair. Green eyes... That infuriating grin… Oh, nononononono...

(Muses) _Who you think you are kiddin'_

_He's the Earth and Heaven to you_

_Try to keep it hidden_

_Honey, we can see right through you_

_Girl you can't conceal it_

_We know how you feel and who you're thinking of_

Roxas got REALLY pissed off. First, because they had called him a girl. Second because he knew the reputation of the Muses. They didn't just tell the History and Tales of Heroes. They had a tendency to think they could serve just as well as some sort of cupids. And Roxas was the last person in the world that wanted to be their aim this time or any other...

(Roxas) _Correct this, please, I'm not a girl, no_

(Muses) _You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh oh_

(Roxas) _I'm going insane, I'll cut my head off_

He started to pace around the patio waving his hands above his head like he was trying to make his point, but he was obviously being ignored since the Muses continued with their "backing-vocals", clearly trying to keep the song going on. The bad part was, Roxas couldn't help himself and try to put a stop to that. Yes, it had to be a spell. He would get whoever helped them to trick him into this and make them pay dearly, oh, he would... Specially that self-confident red-haired bastard.

(Roxas) _I thought that he was just bad enough_

_But now I have to listen to you too_

_My head is screaming "He's just a buffoon"_

_I bet he's planned this with you_

He pointed his finger to them, still singing in tune. They turned their eyes up and lifted their hands to their faces with that "What are you talking about?" expression on.

(Muses) _You keep on denying_

_Who you are and how you're feeling_

_Baby, we're not buying,_

_Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling_

_Face it like a grown-up_

_When ya gonna own up that you've got, got it, got it bad_

At the "Face it like a grown-up" comment, Roxas got really pissed off and headed himself to the exit of the garden. Axel could be obnoxious, but the Muses...? Oh, they were just the epitome of everything he didn't need around him during his nonexistence.

(Roxas) _You've got the wrong guy, I'm leaving for good_

(Muses) _Give up, give in_

(Thalia) _Check the grin, you're in love_

Oh, no... That was just too much. Roxas put his hands on his hips and put on his best indignated face to them.

(Roxas) _I have no heart, how could I be in love?_

They laughed and kept their singing like he had just said the biggest absurd in the world.

(Muses) _You're doing flips, read our lips, you're in love_

Roxas put his hands on his face, thinking they were a lost case and he had to figure a way to convince them this just wasn't going to work out on any way.

(Roxas) _I'd rather face Saix in berserk mode_

_Or dressing up like Larxene_

(Muses) _Girl don't be proud, it's okay, you're in love_

Oh, no, not again... They had been through that. He plastered his hand to his forehead, descending it to the tip of his chin as in saying "Are you dumb or what?".

(Roxas) _Oh.. And for the last time, I'm not a damn girl_

The muses sighed in disappointment, and returned to their statues form. The lights on the fountain started to fade with the last remnants of the song in the air. The last thing to go was the image of Axel reflected on the water, to which Roxas gave one last unconscious lingering look. The shadow of a smile played across his face before he noticed it and he thought it was better to not stay one more minute at that cursed place.

And that's where our story started out.

After Roxas closed the door, he leant down on it, his hands being used as support as he slowly sat down on the floor. A foolish grin tried to take over his lips when he thought of that last image flickering on the water's surface.

Ok...

He isn't THAT bad. But did they have to put him through that ridiculous scene to make him see it?

So, how was it? For the ones who don't believe I tried to change the lyrics according to the original song, trust me, I did. If you want, try for yourselves to see if it fits. Considering I'm not tone-deaf, I guess it worked out pretty well…

See you next story!


End file.
